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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23270041">Amateurs at War</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WednesdaysDaughter/pseuds/WednesdaysDaughter'>WednesdaysDaughter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Divine Pulse Angst (Fire Emblem), F/M, Mentioned Black Eagles Students (Fire Emblem), Mentioned Blue Lions Students (Fire Emblem), Mentioned Golden Deer Students (Fire Emblem), Post-Golden Deer Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:20:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,070</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23270041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WednesdaysDaughter/pseuds/WednesdaysDaughter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What feels like hours has only been eighteen seconds, but she holds tight to the thread and yanks it until time unravels beneath her will. A row of graves fuels her decision, but she does not look away from Claude’s confused face until it is no longer there.</p><p>Suddenly she is standing before Rhea who waits expectantly for her choice. </p><p>“I will teach the Blue Lions.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>My Unit | Byleth/Claude von Riegan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Amateurs at War</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm certain this has been done a million times, but I'm about to finish my 2nd play through and while I was in the shower the first line came to me. I have not, in fact, done Edelgard's route (yet) but I'll get there! Though if I have to kill Claude then it might never get done sooo.... </p><p>(I just really, really, really love my Golden Deer kids)</p><p>Anyway, hope you enjoy my silly ramblings and blatant disregard for divine pulse rules.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>How many times will you peer into their hearts before you decide?</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>This time she saves Sylvain and Felix; the former pressing a grateful kiss into the palm of her bloodied hand when she deflects an arrow that would’ve punctured his throat. His eyes shine in the dying sun and Byleth has to look away because the first time this battle happened it was her magic that snuffed out his light.</p><p>Leonie’s spear pierced Felix’s armor like a knife through butter but now they trade friendly barbs on ashen ground. They were the first to leave the Blue Lions, but not the last.</p><p>Annette and Ashe work together to collect Ingrid’s body from beneath her Pegasus, both trying to hide their tears when Raphael lays Mercedes at their feet. His own face is twisted with regret and he leaves them to their grief when Hilda pulls him towards Lorenz and Lysithea.</p><p>Cyril fidgets beneath Flayn’s healing and his eyes dart everywhere except towards the battlefield where familiar faces stare heavenward as if waiting for their goddess to descend and carry them home.</p><p>Dorothea’s mournful voice rises over the resonance of war, her choked hymn dissolving into gentle sobs when Bernadetta reaches out and clings to Dorothea’s forearm. Petra thanks Catherine for retrieving Caspar and Linhardt’s bodies. Smoke obscures the grimace on her face when she waves away the gratitude – there is no relief to be had here.  </p><p>Edelgard’s forces have withdrawn, but it is a bittersweet victory when Byleth finds his body. Shafts of wood protrude from Dimitri’s back like cattails along a bloodied pond. She thought this time would be different, but perhaps in her desire to save as many lives possible she unintentionally fed this savagery.</p><p>Dedue finds Byleth and when his knees hit the ground they do not make a sound. He is gentle as he removes the arrows from Dimitri’s body. Byleth stands vigil, not realizing the moment her first tear falls that it’s swiftly followed by a raindrop.</p><p>
  <em>It rains because you’re sad.</em>
</p><p>She blinks and is alone in the downpour until Shamir finds her. They march silently towards the others and when Byleth’s eyes clash with Claude’s she feels an ache where her heart should beat threaten to overwhelm her. She stops and the rain seem to fall slower than before when he cocks his head, body turned towards her ready to close the distance between them.</p><p>She is seeing him for the first time and the last before he rides off to become king. She is melting beneath his lips and itching to envelop him in her arms after five years. She is saying goodbye to their future in hopes of getting it right.</p><p>What feels like hours has only been eighteen seconds, but she holds tight to the thread and yanks it until time ravels beneath her will. A row of graves fuels her decision, but she does not look away from Claude’s confused face until it is no longer there.</p><p>Suddenly she is standing before Rhea who waits expectantly for her choice.</p><p>“I will teach the Blue Lions.”</p><p>The voice in the back of her mind calls her a fool, but quiets beneath the strain of Byleth’s grief. She feels lighter without the weight of a goddess’ powers threaded between her bones but the guarded look in Claude’s eyes the next day nearly sinks Byleth into the cold ground where friends wait in a future erased.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How many amends do you intend to make this time around? I’ve already told you that some things are fate.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Three weeks pass before she’s able to defeat her body’s reflex to walk into the Golden Deer’s classroom.</p><p>Byleth has a better idea on how to approach the others, but some will not be swayed no matter how many gifts she hoards or items she returns. So she puts forth concerted effort to know the others she was unable to recruit the last time. Mercedes’s gentle soul acts as a protective balm while Ingrid’s affection for Sylvain and Felix provides Byleth a different facet of their personalities she hadn’t seen before.</p><p>Dimitri cradles madness the way she holds memories the Goddess Tower close to her still heart; stars looking down upon her and Claude as they shared a wish. Her chest threatens to collapse on itself when he pulls her onto the dance floor once more, but he's not waiting for her this time.</p><p>“You were expecting someone else.”</p><p>Byleth shakes her head, but knows Dimitri can see shadows in her eyes which are dark blue again. Perhaps the broken animal inside recognizes the cracks in her foundation because he offers her silent support, words useless in the face of self-made sorrow.</p><p>She is grateful for his friendship and lets her heart cultivate a place for him – his own garden with rich soil and plants that breathe air into her withered spaces. It feels different than the constellations she traced along Claude’s forearms before Byleth wondered if she could do better.</p><p>Claude made her want to do better.</p><p>The third time her father dies howls like a wounded wolf making her dangerous to those who slither in the dark. She shoves her sword into Edelgard’s neck when faced with her sympathy and time snatches her backwards so fast Byleth vomits on the floor of her room.</p><p>She avoids the Black Eagle room after that.</p><p>There are different pieces of the puzzle this time around, but there are also ones missing that she’s not supposed to have. Timelines dance before her eyes and sometimes she blinks and is laughing with Hilda over a cup of tea instead of singing with Mercedes. Petra seems to become a constant on Byleth’s journey and they become fast friends long before she’s cutting her way through dimensions.</p><p>There are moments when the weight of Claude’s eyes settles over her like a warm cloak, but it vanishes the second she tries to return his gaze. There are a million things she wants to say, but fears her knowledge will be seen as a threat so she bites her tongue when he fondly calls her ‘teach’ and suddenly she’s falling and war’s come back to Fódlan.</p><p>Coming to is easier the third time, but instead of a warm welcome Byleth is met by a wild beast eager to bite the hand that feeds. The ferality would shock her if she hadn’t seen it before across the battlefield. Coming together stings, but when dawn breaks a week later familiar faces have gathered in the crumbled church.</p><p>Ignatz and Marianne smile when they see her and it is happening in another time where their smiles are hopeful in the face of Claude’s confidence. They are shadows of another life – a heavy stone sinks in Byleth’s stomach when she doesn’t see Lorenz or Hilda.</p><p>There are faces missing at the war table and the thought of seeing them on Gronder Field makes panic claw at Byleth’s throat.</p><p>She didn’t try hard enough; or rather she went about it all wrong. She can do better – she will do better. A silent objection hangs over Byleth’s head when her nose begins to bleed heavily later that night.</p><p>“I will teach the Black Eagles.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You’ve become so entangled in the lives not lived, your sword cannot cut the spare threads no matter how many times you swing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Byleth is at constant war with herself as she tries and fails until she begins to lose count. Focusing on Edelgard should’ve left Byleth with more solutions than problems, but she realized early on some things, some people, left imprints on her that time couldn't erase.</p><p>The first time she turned her back on Rhea she woke in the past without conscious thought; a reflex born of love and respect for the archbishop.</p><p>The first time Catherine called her a traitor Byleth nearly dies at Catherine’s hand. Ferdinand is quick with his sword and doesn’t get to ask if Byleth is okay before she’s smothering a scream into her pillow a month before battle.</p><p>The first time Dimitri declined her offer of tea stung like a nettle bush she fell in as a child.</p><p>The first time Hubert killed Hilda her magic soared across the distance and struck him dead with a brilliant bolt of lightning.</p><p>The first time Claude falls at Edelgard’s feet, blood dripping down his chin until they fall like raindrops on stone, Byleth runs as if through quicksand and holds him until the deluge nearly drowns them both.</p><p>“Byleth,” Edelgard watches in shock at the emotional display, hair plastered against her pale face as the rain continued to fall, unforgiving. The air is heavy, Byleth’s despair knocking the air from those who were struck watching the scene unfold.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she chokes, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Aw teach,” Claude’s final breaths were quick and forgiving which shattered Byleth more than anything had before.</p><p>“I wanted to walk in step with you.”</p><p>The threads of time slip around her throat and threaten to steal the life from her as Claude’s eyes widen. She can feel it slipping away and knows before he speaks that this cannot come to pass – his death cannot be permanently etched in history’s records even if it will always haunt her.</p><p>“At least until the day comes when we can look out at the peaceful world we’ve built: Together.”</p><p>A sudden pulse, an impossible beat from a heart of stone, stops the falling rain as Byleth’s tears continue their path down her frozen cheeks.</p><p>“Huh,” he muses happily as darkness finally descends, “I thought that was just a good dream.”</p><p>In another reality she is riddled with doubt and anger at her failure but those moments pale in comparison to the way she feels with time swirling around her: A deadly hurricane with her at the center.</p><p>
  <em>Make it count my dear.</em>
</p><p>This time there is finality in her voice when she addresses Rhea, “I will teach the Golden Deer.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There is no such thing as a perfect ending, but rather an ending you can live with.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Byleth cannot save them all; war requires sacrifice each time due to its unchanging nature.</p><p>She tangled her hands in Claude’s wild hair and swallowed his laughter with her lips.</p><p>She parried Dimitri’s incoming attack and his determination shone until her eyes crinkled with pride.  </p><p>She stood at Edelgard’s side and became a bulwark against those who did not understand.</p><p>She prayed with Rhea and let her belief wash away the doubts until peace reigned.</p><p>In the end, Byleth concedes to fate and considers the number of graves she is left to tend. After living a dozen lives with a body count both higher and lower than the end result, she vows to let their stories be heard. Stacks of paper liter her room and ink stains her hands as she recounts every single one.</p><p>“Are you ever going to share these with the others?”</p><p>Byleth leans into Claude’s touch as his arms wrap securely around her shoulders. He knows them all by heart and when it’s the middle of the night Byleth will awake to see him gazing at her in awe and overwhelming affection.</p><p>“Do you think they would understand?”</p><p>He shrugs, “Maybe not, but if they can accept you were born with the progenitor god sealed in your body they shouldn’t be too surprised by your time-travel magic.”</p><p>Byleth almost rolls her eyes at his flippancy, but she knows he’s right. If anyone should know about what could’ve happened – what technically did happen – it would be her former students. She wonders which emotion will reign during their annual feast when she lays the truth at their feet: Gratitude for saving their lives or perhaps anger at pulling strings she had no right to? She may have the powers of a goddess, but there were moments her attempts felt more like a game of chess than life itself.</p><p>
  <em>Save those worries for later and enjoy the respite you fool. They are not children any longer, their love is not fragile.</em>
</p><p>There are more words to write, but she puts down her quill and turns her attention to the reality she chose. Whenever Claude kisses her guilt is the furthest thing from her mind. Unburdened by the ghosts laid to rest, Byleth lets her husband take her to bed where they continue to build their peaceful world: Together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I listened to "Mars" by Sleeping At Last on repeat throughout this whole thing so if you want mood music lol. I haven't written in over a month and this whole COVID thing has me jobless and depressed so I'm proud I was able to cobble something together. I have a few other ideas I'd like to get out, but they're for Witcher. </p><p>Also even though her name is never said, the italics are Sothis~</p><p>Maybe I'll do more for these two? I adore Claude more than anything and their friends-to-lovers is so well done! So yeah, hope you enjoyed this. I'm off to play more~</p></blockquote></div></div>
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